When your wife is away....

I don't want this to sound like I don't love my wife because I do. Really. It's just that one of my guilty pleasures is that when Amy goes on a trip I get to eat what she refers to as 'Chris Food'. I have my own shelf. It's full of things like Soy milk, artichoke hearts, sardines, tartufo paste, curry spices and various pickeled sundries. I also have a small section in the fridge which is filled an assortment of fruits, meats, cheeses and juices that, quite often, "Take up too much space". Needless to say, I like food. All types. If there is a person sitting next to me eating something that I can't identify, and the person doesn't seem to be in pain or near death - I want some. Maybe it's from growing up in a big family ('Eat it or Starve') or from the times I ran low on rations while hiking the Appalachian Trail ('Eat it or Starve'). I don't know. What I do know is that these adventures have gotten me my own shelf, my wife is away, and I am hungry. This is my story:

Yesterday a package showed up at my doorstep. Now the UPS man is not a stranger to our house, but the 'Perishable' label caught my eye. Since Amy is visiting friends in New Orleans I thought, "Are these crawfish? Does my wife love me that much? Maybe they're pralines! A 1'x1'x1' box of pralines!....with Cafe Du Monde coffee!....and maybe some fresh beignets!! I have the best wife in the world!!" I call her to thank her for the package. One ring, two rings, three rings, "Hello" a gently slurring voice answers. I explain about the package, to which she says, "What package? Open it and see what it is." Her voice perks up as I tell her it contains a package of pasta, "What kind?" she asks. "Buitoni All Natural Agnolotti stuffed with wild portobello and crimini mushrooms!" I exclaim. "Oh...mushrooms huh? That's Chris food. You don't have to wait for me." As I said before, I am hungry; so I don't."

Bring water with a dash of salt and oil to a boil. Melt about 1Tbs of salted butter in a saute pan for a couple of minutes. Place pasta into boiling water and set the timer to 4 minutes. Add one large handfull of baby spinich into the saute. Toss until wilted. (Basically until the timer goes off.) Drain pasta, mix with spinich and serve. Dinner in less than 10 minutes.

This could be my favorite Chris Dish ever. The near-ghee brown butter sauce coated the bitter spinich with just enough ''umph' that when I bit into the al dente angoletti and allowed earthy wild mushroomness to combine with the sharp Grana and Parmesean I almost forgot to chew. My mouth was screaming for more. As I type this I can't stop breathing through my mouth in a vain attempt to get the post-coital flavors off of my tongue. I wish I wasn't on a diet. I want/need more. Is it strange to buy a case of pasta? I may need another shelf. I can't wait for her to go away again...